The Straight Poop.

Tales, Stories, Vulgarity, Movies, and Pictures... Everything not on the webbernet.

PS. My stories are from instant thought. I don't spell check, I don't go back and re-read. If they don't make sense... well... neither do I.
I am Tory-Ran (Tory of the house of RAN). Join your own Kryptonian House with the #ManOfSteel glyph creator http://bit.ly/10nsgOy

I am Tory-Ran (Tory of the house of RAN). Join your own Kryptonian House with the #ManOfSteel glyph creator http://bit.ly/10nsgOy

Life as a Tom Cruise By Tory Ireland Mell As a young man, Tom Cruises parents sent him to Military academy, after a failed attempt to save the school he joined a gang, again, that didn’t turn out so well. He decided to move back home and let loose, but when the whole thing went south once again, he turned to drugs. He would often trip balls thinking Tim Curry was a giant red demon. His parents were worried so they sent him back into the military, this time to the air force to become a top gun pilot. He earned money on the side as a billiards hustler, and when he got caught got kicked out of the military once again. He took his pool hall money and opened up a hipster bar called Cocktails and Dreams, that’s where he met his brother Raymond, and just like that was back into the world of gambling. He knew gambling was a problem, and the only thing that could straighten him out was the military again, except after the fourth of july there were no more wars to fight. Doing what any logical man would do in his situation, he turned to Stock car driving, where he met a lovely gal. They moved far and away and lived together happily, until their sudden split. Tom decided it was time for military action once more. He worked hard, and became a maritime lawyer, after he but a few good men behind bars, The Firm came calling, and being the most prestigious firm in the east coast he jumped at the opportunity. Well, I guess you know what happened there. Suffering from periodic hallucinations due to the amount of acid he did back in 1985, He often fancied himself a Vampire, and would dream of Christian Slater interviewing him. He got himself straightened up and decided to go into a different type of service. Tom Joined IMF, the Impossible Mission Force, and this was the perfect balance for him, until he lost his whole team. He retired once more and thought it would be a more safe idea to become a sports agent. Life was pretty good for Tom, until his wife came back to him and dragged him into the sophisticated underworld of sex parties. He knew this wasn’t the life for him, so he parted ways once and for all with his wife, and went on a journey in search of Happiness, Forgiveness, and meaning in the San Fernando Valley. He found that Meaning, it was with the IMF. He reteamed with a new Impossible Missions crew, and like before, it didn’t end so good. So like many times before, he retired. Tom decided he needed to document his life so he became a writer. It was short lived as he got in a major car accident. Some thought him dead. He was infact in a coma, and in that coma he dreamt of being a futuristic police officer who prevented murders before they happened. Sometimes he would dream of being a Samurai in feudal Japan. But when he awoke from the coma, he needed money, so he went into what he knew best, he became a contract killer. He socked away some money and moved to New York where he helped stop an alien invasion. Some say that was a metaphor for the aftermath of 9/11. Having tasted battle once again, Tom looked to his old friends at the IMF for a third time. Things went all right for him, but he felt he could do better for the world in government. As a young congressman, he found himself dealing with military problems again. He wasn’t happy so he let himself go. He went bald, gained a bunch of weight and was addict to diet coke. He knew what had to be done, through so back handed deals he became a studio exec. This was the life he was meant to live, until… What he thought was once gone came back with a vengeance, Tom was hit with another hallucination, this time he was a Colonel in Hitler’s army. When he finally snapped out of it, he had lost his job as a studio exec, whipped himself back into shape, and got a hair transplant. Falling back into what he knew best, he became a spy and the transformation was like knight and day! Tom was on top of the world! He rejoined his IMF team and he was livin the dream. Every now and then he would trip mad balls, like when he thought he was a rock star named Stacee Jax, but he would always fall back to his roots, being in the military, then would trip again and be servicing a destroyed Earth, but once thing I know about Tom Cruise, that no matter what happens next for him, we will always be there for him.  

Life as a Tom Cruise

By Tory Ireland Mell

As a young man, Tom Cruises parents sent him to Military academy, after a failed attempt to save the school he joined a gang, again, that didn’t turn out so well. He decided to move back home and let loose, but when the whole thing went south once again, he turned to drugs. He would often trip balls thinking Tim Curry was a giant red demon. His parents were worried so they sent him back into the military, this time to the air force to become a top gun pilot. He earned money on the side as a billiards hustler, and when he got caught got kicked out of the military once again. He took his pool hall money and opened up a hipster bar called Cocktails and Dreams, that’s where he met his brother Raymond, and just like that was back into the world of gambling. He knew gambling was a problem, and the only thing that could straighten him out was the military again, except after the fourth of july there were no more wars to fight. Doing what any logical man would do in his situation, he turned to Stock car driving, where he met a lovely gal. They moved far and away and lived together happily, until their sudden split. Tom decided it was time for military action once more. He worked hard, and became a maritime lawyer, after he but a few good men behind bars, The Firm came calling, and being the most prestigious firm in the east coast he jumped at the opportunity. Well, I guess you know what happened there. Suffering from periodic hallucinations due to the amount of acid he did back in 1985, He often fancied himself a Vampire, and would dream of Christian Slater interviewing him. He got himself straightened up and decided to go into a different type of service. Tom Joined IMF, the Impossible Mission Force, and this was the perfect balance for him, until he lost his whole team. He retired once more and thought it would be a more safe idea to become a sports agent. Life was pretty good for Tom, until his wife came back to him and dragged him into the sophisticated underworld of sex parties. He knew this wasn’t the life for him, so he parted ways once and for all with his wife, and went on a journey in search of Happiness, Forgiveness, and meaning in the San Fernando Valley. He found that Meaning, it was with the IMF. He reteamed with a new Impossible Missions crew, and like before, it didn’t end so good. So like many times before, he retired. Tom decided he needed to document his life so he became a writer. It was short lived as he got in a major car accident. Some thought him dead. He was infact in a coma, and in that coma he dreamt of being a futuristic police officer who prevented murders before they happened. Sometimes he would dream of being a Samurai in feudal Japan. But when he awoke from the coma, he needed money, so he went into what he knew best, he became a contract killer. He socked away some money and moved to New York where he helped stop an alien invasion. Some say that was a metaphor for the aftermath of 9/11. Having tasted battle once again, Tom looked to his old friends at the IMF for a third time. Things went all right for him, but he felt he could do better for the world in government. As a young congressman, he found himself dealing with military problems again. He wasn’t happy so he let himself go. He went bald, gained a bunch of weight and was addict to diet coke. He knew what had to be done, through so back handed deals he became a studio exec. This was the life he was meant to live, until… What he thought was once gone came back with a vengeance, Tom was hit with another hallucination, this time he was a Colonel in Hitler’s army. When he finally snapped out of it, he had lost his job as a studio exec, whipped himself back into shape, and got a hair transplant. Falling back into what he knew best, he became a spy and the transformation was like knight and day! Tom was on top of the world! He rejoined his IMF team and he was livin the dream. Every now and then he would trip mad balls, like when he thought he was a rock star named Stacee Jax, but he would always fall back to his roots, being in the military, then would trip again and be servicing a destroyed Earth, but once thing I know about Tom Cruise, that no matter what happens next for him, we will always be there for him.  

Very Sad News… Joel Was Brilliant and his SG-1/SG-A scores are and always will be my favorite pieces of composed Music!!!

Very Sad News… Joel Was Brilliant and his SG-1/SG-A scores are and always will be my favorite pieces of composed Music!!!

Nothing but updates!

I HAVE SOOOOO MUCH TO UPDATE ON!!!!!! Not really….

1. Artists for my new comic book, “Humanity of Legend” are locked and ready to rock!!! I say artists because there are two. It is going to be epic!!!!

2. Scripts for Chapters one and two… DONE!!!!!

3. iPad 3 or should i say… iPad… Ordered!!!! it’s all happening!!!!

One of the coolest things I ever did…. The old Nintendo game, from about 1987: “Blades of Steel” was one of my favorite games ever!!! Just a pure, awesome hockey game. Well, I was so obsessed with it, that i decided to write down my own versions of statistics for each player and each team. Their skill level as a team, as players, etc… I wrote this on my desk in my room. I was 13 years old, instead of writing on a piece of paper I wrote on my white desk top, it was AWESOME!!! It took me a couple of weeks, but I finally had it finished, it was perfect. And as far as I cared, completely accurate.  Coincidentally, a few weeks later a Blades of Steel Stat/Cheat book came out, I had to get it, and get it I did! I cracked it open… and I couldn’t believe what I was reading! Everything I wrote on my desk, literally, verbatim… Was in this book. Ever numbered rating I gave a team or player, every skill that a player was good at. Word for word was in this book. I couldn’t believe! I channeled this book somehow.. it was awesome.  I should have been a STATs man.

One of the coolest things I ever did….

The old Nintendo game, from about 1987: “Blades of Steel” was one of my favorite games ever!!! Just a pure, awesome hockey game.

Well, I was so obsessed with it, that i decided to write down my own versions of statistics for each player and each team. Their skill level as a team, as players, etc… I wrote this on my desk in my room. I was 13 years old, instead of writing on a piece of paper I wrote on my white desk top, it was AWESOME!!! It took me a couple of weeks, but I finally had it finished, it was perfect. And as far as I cared, completely accurate. 

Coincidentally, a few weeks later a Blades of Steel Stat/Cheat book came out, I had to get it, and get it I did!

I cracked it open… and I couldn’t believe what I was reading! Everything I wrote on my desk, literally, verbatim… Was in this book. Ever numbered rating I gave a team or player, every skill that a player was good at. Word for word was in this book. I couldn’t believe! I channeled this book somehow.. it was awesome. 

I should have been a STATs man.

The Boy Who Could Walk on Sand.

There once was a boy from far, he knew not what is limits are. That was as much rhyming as I could get into one story…

The boy was named Peter, Peter Sandfoot. A fitting name for a boy who’s feet were made of sand. He could lay in bed, he could sit in a chair, but he couldn’t go anywhere. Yes that was another rhyme, but it was unintentional. You see If Pete tried to walk he feet would crumble under the pressure. There was no cure, now amount of science that could fix the boy, he was simply an oddity. 

He dragged himself from here to there, he dragged himself everywhere. Sometimes it’s just easier to rhyme, ESPECIALLY when it works. The one place he never dragged himself to was the beach, or a ply ground with sand. It would seem like the logical thing to do, being his feet are made of sand… But the thought just never crossed his mind, not to mention he just hated sand. It was dirty.

On his 27th birthday, he decided he had enough of the home life. He had enough of being trapped by his own freakishness. Pete was going to drag himself to the beach. He was going to ignore his hatred of the very thing that is part of his body. Pete lived deep in the San Fernando Valley, the ocean… A far crawl. 

Pete hated people, hated public transportation, and hated anything that would make his life even a little easier. He would rather suffer. the scrapes and bruises, that come with dragging yourself around for 20+ years. 

After a couple days of hard crawling, a few close calls with cars, and vehicles of the like, he sat at the foot of the Beautiful Malibu ocean. He took in all the sites, all the sounds. The ocean crashing on the shore, kids and people playing or laying in the sun. The edge of the sand was right at his finger tips, right within his grasp. Did he come here to die? surely Pete wouldn’t want to make the journey back to the deep Valley. 

The sun began to set and Pete just sat there, waiting for something, anything, that would make him go where he dragged himself, onto the sand. Nothing came. No one to prompt him or help him. No one to push him the extra foot, no support system, then there was her.

She wasn’t an ugly girl, or a skinny girl, she was completely average, from head to toe. Her identifying marker were he black framed glasses and her incredible long hair that drapped over her head like a mop. She was no hipster, he could tell from the angle, this poor girl was blind as a bat. She sat down next to him, HIM, the guy with the sand for feet. “What are you waiting for?” She asked while adjusting her glasses. Why was she talking to him? How did she know he was waiting? How long did she watch him waiting? Did she see him drag himself here? “I’m not sure.” he answered as if this were a normal situation. “The sand likes your feet.” He looked at his feet. “Are my feet.” he quickly replied. “It’s amazing what you can do when you just let go and listen.” The girl moved the hair from her ears, and revealed to Pete, the most incredible ears he has ever seen. They were beautiful, shaped like butterfly wings, and when they fluttered she could hear anything. “The sand is welcoming you.” Peter didn’t know what to do. All he could od is smile. For the first time in his entire life, Pere Sandfoot smiled. Smiled a huge genuine smile. He felt a warmth roll over his body, a flutter in his heart. He didn’t think he just listened. Slowly, Peter stretched his legs towards the sand, getting ever closer. Before he touched the warm grains her looked at her once more, he smiled.

To describe the feeling would be impossible to do, the best anyone could do is try. Like skiing down a mountain, surfing a never ending wave, running your fingers across the top of water, Peter Sandfoot could glide across the sand effortlessly. He no longer had to drag himself anywhere, he longer had to suffer the misery that was his life. For the first time in 27 years, Peter Sandfoot was free. After sliding through the sand for what seemed like forever he returned to where he and the butterfly eared girl were sitting, but she was gone. Without a single good bye, with out a name to follow, Peter was alone again. He was free, but Peter Sandfoot, was alone.

Another night. Another awesome dance fiesta! (at House Without A Key) [pic] — http://t.co/J1JpYRla